Inner Child Work - what is it? why is it important?

Everyone has a kid within them that reflects their past. Sometimes, this means that the pain we experience when we're young can continue as we get older. The truth is that there’s nothing to “fix” when it comes to our inner child. Instead, the process is often largely about healing and love. We change as we grow, but our minds and bodies still carry memories — and sometimes, feelings and patterns, too — from the past. The kid within can sometimes be what’s at the root of how we feel as an adult.

Inner CHild Wounds

Unsafe Messages Children Receive

Words can hurt as severely as actions with some of the signals given to children leaving deep scars that can last a lifetime. Some of these statements and actions made by parents that leave open wounds are as follows.

Not allowing a child to have their own opinions
Discouragement from playing or having fun
Not allowed to display strong emotions
Punishing for speaking up
Continuously shaming by caregivers
Not allowing spontaneity
Was not given appropriate hugs, kisses, or cuddles

Children who do not receive emotional and physical support grow up to be hurting adults.

The Three Common Ways Children are Made to Feel Unsafe

Physical Neglect. Physical safety and nourishment are basic human needs that are to be given freely from caregivers to children. However, in physical neglect, these rights are violated and are lacking. Unfortunately, physical neglect does not mean only that the child was kept from food and shelter. It also means several forms of abuse are taking place, such as sexual abuse.

The results of this type of neglect are devastating. Below are only a few of the negative impacts physical neglect has on children and the adults they become.

Low self-esteem
Eating disorders
Self-harm
Addictions
Violent behavior
Sexual dysfunction

Emotional Neglect. In this type of neglect, a child’s caregiver did not show enough interest in the child’s emotional needs for support, respect, and love. In these cases, either the caregiver does not pay attention to or condemns any emotional expressions that the child might need.

Like with physical abuse, the symptoms, and outcomes of this type of neglect are dire in adulthood.

Low self-worth
Repressing emotions
Ignoring one’s own emotional needs
Depression
Anxiety
Shunning Emotional closeness or intimacy

Psychological Neglect. This kind of neglect occurred when the child’s caregivers failed to listen, nurture, and embrace the beautiful human beings that they are. This form of neglect includes any or all the following:

Name-calling
Insults
Ridicule
Yelling
Gaslighting
Lack of privacy
Making overt threats

Impacts

The symptoms that occur when the inner child endures this type of neglect and inhabit adults can be:

Deep-seated feelings of anger
Inability to love themselves
The development of low self-esteem
Addictions
Neuroses
Psychological illnesses
Physical illnesses
Showing a lack of respect for others
Problems with sustaining a healthy relationship

Some Signs You Have a Wounded Inner Child

The first step in healing your inner child is to acknowledge it is there and that he or she is wounded. The harm done to your inner child is directly correlated with the ways you feel unsafe in the world. Below are some signals that you have a wounded inner child.

A deep feeling that there is something wrong with you
Being a people-pleaser
Being a rebel and feel alive when in conflict with someone else
Being a hoarder
Not being able to let go of possessions and people
Experience anxiety with something new
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries
Driven to be a super-achiever
Being ridged and a perfectionist
Having problems starting and finishing tasks
Exhibit constant self-criticism
Feel ashamed at expressing emotions
Ashamed of your body
Having a deep distrust of anyone else
Avoiding conflict, no matter what the cost
A fear of abandonment